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In this video I am going to show you an exercise that helps you try to get some distance from your thoughts and feelings so they don't have so much power over your behaviour. If you are an ACT therapist then this is often referred to as defusion, or if you work with children and adolescents you may refer to this as ‘let it go’.
This follows on nicely from my pushing the paper away exercise. If you haven’t watched that yet then it may be helpful to do that now, there will be a link in the description below to it, and maybe a pop up somewhere above my head.
If you don’t want to go and watch that first then tha'ts fine.
What you will need for this exercise is a piece of paper that that you have written a bit of a sticky thought on it. A thought that sometimes gets in the way, or you overly focus on, or one that you try and push away as far from your mind as possible.
If your mind is throwing loads of thoughts your way like :
“I'm not good enough”
“I'm lazy”
“I never get anything right”
“You re going to screw up this exercise”
“This is never going to work”
“I shouldn’t have spoken to my partner like that this morning”
“That job interview tomorrow is going to suck”
Just write them all down, get them down on that bit of paper.
Pause the video here if you need to find a pen and paper and write some thoughts down.
This thought youve written, i’m guessing its not new. I’m guessing its something that you have been holding on to for a while. Perhaps something thats been with you since you were a child. And despite it being a thought, im sure it brings with you lots of other stuff. Perhaps some feelings, perhaps some pain, some sensations, a memory or maybe even an urge for something.
So lets try something with this. Lets take that thought and all the other stuff and turn them into a book. A book about your life with chapters that contains all of these things.
And, if you want you can close your eyes for this, imagine that you have to design a cover for this book and give it a title. It is perhaps a book that you may never share with anyone else, so you dont need to factor in what other people may think about its name or its cover so you can call it whatever you want.
Some examples I have heard over the years include:
The I'm Not good Enough Story
The Imposter Story
The Fraudster
If you are a fan of Mark Manson, you might call it the I’m f*cked story.
And someone I worked with, who was struggling with chronic fatigue syndrome came up with the title Sleeping Beauty: their Version, so Sleeping Beauty: Stuart’s Version.
Now take the paper you have and turn it over to the blank side and write on there
“Here it is once again. The (enter story name).“
So - here it is again, the imposter story.
Or here it is again the I'm not good enough story.
You can pause the video here to come up with a name and write it down.
Let’s try something with this. Turn the paper over again so you can see the thoughts you had previously written. And read through them, let them sink into you, try and experience them as you would when they come to you. And when you feel them having a bit of an impact on you, turn the paper over and read the other side. Read the name of the story. Take a breath, connect with your surroundings again so maybe have a stretch, push your feet into the floor, and engage in the present moment so hopefully that's with this video.
And once more, just turn the paper over. See if those thoughts you've written down take hold. See if they have some impact on you, if there's any pain there. And again, turn it over and read the other side.
“Here it is again the I'm not good enough story”.
And take a breath, connect with the world around you, and engage in something meaningful in the present moment.
What was that experience like for you. What was it like having those thoughts, and then seeing the story on the other side, then connecting back with what you want to be doing in the present moment?
Some people find that this helps get some distance between them, their thoughts and the story.
Some people find that the thoughts lose a bit of their power and allows them to have a bit more control over their behaviour in the present moment. So when those thoughts come up, they say - here’s the story again and that creates a little bit of separation. Then when this happens outside of this video, you could be trying to do some work, or spending time with a loved one and one of those thoughts pops in your head, you can kind of catch it happening and can try saying to yourself - oh here’s the im not good enough story popping up again, noticing that and bringing yourself back to the present moment so you dont get lost in it, or spend loads of energy trying to push all those thoughts away.
Sometimes people find it helpful to re-write this onto a little post note, or one of those study cards you can get and walk around with it. Put it in their pocket (motion top pocket) - thats obviously the universal sign for putting something in a shirt pocket that i blatantly dont have…., or can put it in a bag and take a look at it every now and then during the day. And remind yourself you can take these thoughts and story with you without them getting need to get in the way of you living your life.
This is exercise is called Name The Story, and I sometimes come across people who don't like the word ‘story’, they find it quite invalidating, almost as if what they are experiencing isn’t real and is somehow made up, and I can understand that.
What we mean by story, in this context, is any kind of content that happens inside your head. It’s a collective term for thoughts, images, memories, self narratives, schemas and anything else that comes up for you. Don’t be rigid about using the term story - find a more suitable word and lets be flexible in our practice.
Like all exercises, this one might not land well with you, or with your clients. And thats fine, that’s why we try and build up a toolbox of skills, so we can find some thing that works with for us.
I hope you found this video helpful. If you did then please consider subscribing to the channel as it helps to support the channel. Please feel free to leave comments below, I try and reply to every one. Take care, make life meaningful and good bye.
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