This video is part of my cognitive defusion series. You’ve probably noticed that your mind likes to push you around a bit, give you some criticism, compare you with others, judge what you are doing. Well here is another exercise that you can try to get some distance from those thoughts so they dont hold so much power over your actions.
This one is called Thank Your Mind, and it is pretty much exactly what it sounds like.
Remember from my Stop controlling your emotions this way video, we said that trying to argue with your mind, trying to find evidence for or against that thought you are struggling with, trying to push the thought away or really focussing on it doesn't work, well this is something different to try.
Remember your mind is trying to keep you safe, the thoughts it is bringing into your awareness serve a function - they serve a purpose or a reason. It is trying to keep you safe in the very short term. There's an often used story in ACT, which is that the cave people who heard a rustle in the bushes and decided to run away because they were worried that rustle might be a tiger lived, whether or not there was a tiger or whether it was just the wind or a squirrel.
Whereas the cave people who said - ah don't worry about that noise, probably nothing, probably just the wind, doubt its any threat to us, and then in fact it was a tiger that went on to gobble them up didn't live.
And the ones that lived went on to have children and here we are today. So our minds have a disposition to look out for threats.
So when your mind says about that event you want to go to - “don't go, people might laugh at you”, then say thank you mind, thank you for trying to keep me safe and not putting me in a position where people might laugh at me, however going to that party is important for me.
Or if your mind says - don’t go for that job promotion, you’ll never get it, you are not good enough. Again, say thank you mind, thanks for bringing that to my attention that this is a potentially threatening situation for me, but I’m willing to have that anxiety to try and get that job.
Maybe your mind is saying ‘Don’t build up a relationship with that person, because you have been let down before’. You know what I am going to say….. thanks mind, thanks for reminding me what happened before, thanks for looking out for me and trying to protect me, but its really important to me to try and build a relationship with this person right now and I want to give it a try.
And when you have done that, and thanked your mind, try and tap into your values, try and focus your attention onto something that is going to move you toward that value, and not away from it.
And this might seem a bit silly. I am not trying to invalidate, or trivialise, anyone’s thoughts or feelings here. I get that some of your thoughts are nasty and horrible to you, and that you may have had terrible experiences in your past. Context is really important here. I am aware that there is a massive different between someone who is having anxious thoughts about a presentation at work, compared with someone who has a complex trauma history. There are some similarities in the function - such as the thoughts someone has, trying to keep them safe in the short term but moving them away from a meaningful life in the long term, however the amount that someone is caught up in those thoughts can differ massively.
Also specific exercises don’t work for everyone, which is why I am trying to give many examples so hopefully you find something that works for you. And remember that getting some distance from your thoughts is just one of 6 processes in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, it’s not the entire therapy.
I hope you found this video helpful. If you did please consider sharing, pressing the like button and subscribing to the channel. I am closing in on 1000 subscribers which is great. My next milestone is to increase what is called my watch hours. In the YouTube world when you get to 1000 subscribers and 4000 watch hours I have some control of the ads you may see. I can turn them off, which is my intention for my latest video, or I can move them to a more convenient place in the video - so they aren’t right in the middle of an exercise!
Take care everyone and make life meaningful.
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